A Lovely Light

Light and dark have long been a favorite topic of mine. Even when I was little, I was captivated by scriptures and stories that use “light” as an illustration. I think that has translated into my work. I love dramatic light and shadows.

Today I saw a photo of an epitaph that is on a tombstone in Atlanta’s infamous Oakland Cemetery.

It says “She burned her candle at both ends, but it made a lovely light.” Don’t you love that?! When I read it I thought I might like to have that on my tombstone whenever my time comes. And then I thought, “But wait, is my light lovely?” Oh sure, I create paintings and some would say that is lovely.

That is what I feel called to do and it is definitely an easy way to shine this little light of mine. But its the burning the candle at both ends part that got me. (1 John 1:6) When I am running around frantically busy…carpooling kids, painting for deadlines, worried about you-name-it, driven to distraction and sometimes irritated…do I shine a “lovely light”? I chuckle as I type that, but it is the truth! What kind of light do I shine under pressure?

The ones who get the brunt of any of our frustrations are often times the ones we love the most. So thank you “EsVM” of Oakland Cemetary, whoever you are, for your epitaph that led to an epiphany today.

Stay lovely,

P.S. I’d like to thank Paula Gabriel Futrell who shared the origin and inspiration behind this quote on my Facebook post:

Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1892 – 1950

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!

Common Ground

“Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.” – Naomi Shihab Nye

I knew he was special when I got in his car and he was eating an ice cream cone with James Taylor singing “How sweet it is to be loved by you” on the radio. (That was my mom’s favorite song.) He said it never fails. When he is at McDonalds he always gets notified that he has an uber rider to go pick up. This time it was me. I teased him that he should have brought me an ice cream cone too and we shared a few laughs while discussing food. He told me his grandmother made the best apple cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream. From there we discussed the culinary differences between what is considered “good barbecue” in different regions of our country. He, originally from Michigan, is a rib man. Me, I prefer the North Carolina vinegar based pulled pork served with a side of hush puppies. From there he told me about how his family originated from Alabama. They moved to Michigan during the “Second Great Migration”. *George. I almost forgot to tell you his name. When you are eager to tell a story, sometimes details like that can get left out.

George told me about his grandfather. How he had many wives. And ultimately 36 children, at least that they’ve been able to identify so far. Perhaps wanting to explain he told me his grandfather was a “breeder”. I thought he said “reader”. But as he went on with his story I understood what he was saying. His grandfather was a slave on a plantation in Alabama called “Magnolia”. And the plantation owners sold him around to other plantations for breeding purposes. I told him I had never heard of that. “Like some sort of stud horse?” I asked in shocked disbelief. “Yes”, he said, “thats a good way to put it.” That breaks my heart. He continued to tell me that his grandfather could read and write, and so he would teach other slaves how to read and write. In secret of course, we agreed. And his grandfather was also a preacher. Eventually, the white man put a bounty on his grandfather’s head. So the slaves held a fake funeral, complete with a casket. They “buried” him while he managed to escape. Wow. Just wow. I took his story in and imagined what it must be like to have lived this life and to have a family history like this. I found myself teary eyed. I think George could sense this. Maybe I had heard about this breeder thing a long time ago and just forgot. But it’s one thing to hear about it and it’s another to hear someone directly impacted by it talk about it.

When George was young, he visited Magnolia plantation, and the church his grandfather built was still there. George got to play the piano in that church. Imagine that. He does not know if it’s still there. I told him that this was an amazing story and that people need to hear it. He said his family knows it. But I think he understood what I meant. I asked him who taught his grandfather to read and write and he said, “You know, that’s a good question! There must have been a white man or woman who taught him, probably in secret.” I nodded. George says there were some good white people on plantations too. And he added cautiously, “You know, if it was a white woman, that could’ve been very dangerous. He could’ve been hung from a tree.” And I said I know. And the tempo of our conversation had slowed a bit. We were bonding over the sorrow of the past. And I said there were monsters and good people both back then. Just like there are today.

As we were arriving to our destination, we discussed how I had come to Chicago for the U2 concert. Since we had already lightly discussed politics, I shared that I heard the Obama’s were there for the show too. He said he knew Bono to be an activist. I said I had a lot of respect for Bono because of his actions, not just words. He said he understands Bono is good friends with the Obamas. And I said I know and he is also friends with George Bush. And that’s part of why I like him. He works with both sides, and is passionate about helping the widows and the poor. When it was time for me to go, George said I must be pretty special. That was a great compliment because I think he is too. I told him thank you for the ride and for sharing his story with me.

It was an honor to ride with George today. He asked for my card and said he will call me when he comes to Birmingham. I believe him and I hope he does. I texted my friend from the gate while I was waiting for my flight and she said I should paint his story. I’m still choked up about the thought of it. I’m not sure what that might look and feel like.

These are the conversations we need to share. We need to listen and love well. To “find a common ground by seeking higher ground” just like Bono said last night. Here is the poem I quoted at the beginning in full. One of many that scrolled on the screen at Soldier Field before the concert:

Kindness

Naomi Shihab Nye, 1952

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing. 
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Hope Springs Eternal

A couple of years ago I painted a series from photos I took of a particular camellia bloom and I titled it “Vespers”. They were done in my monochromatic palette and looking back now that seems especially fitting. Many of you know I lost my mom in May 2014. Fewer of you know she was in hospice care at home during her last few months.

Her garden was her creative outlet. She knew every plant and flower by name and it always amazed me. Well, when she was at home during her last days, this single bloom appeared outside her back door near the kitchen window. Someone cut it and floated it in a bowl, like she would have, and carried it inside for her to see. I took it home one night and took several photos because I thought it was beautiful.

I chose the name “Vespers” because she loved those prayer and worship meetings and even held some in this house. And because I knew that people coming in that back door to say goodbye were praying and broken hearted. And some even came by to offer a song.

And it occurred to me this time, while I was painting this special camellia, that this must have been the last bloom from my mom’s garden. Wow. And, I painted it in color.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds but I think it brings the color back. Pretty special to me. Thank you for reading my story. I hope maybe it blessed you as much as it did me to share it.

We Are All Just Visitors Here

First, a disclaimer. I am writing this off the top of my (bed) head. I just woke up with so many thoughts and feel like writing them will help me process some things.

Someone I love suffered a horrible and violent thing just two nights ago. I mean to tell you, this is the life-changing kind of stuff that no one can begin to know what to say or do to help.

So this morning I’m thinking there are these “brotherhoods” in life that we don’t choose to belong to. Groups like “addict”, “hospice”, “cancer survivor” and “widow” to name a few. But you can find yourself there one day and suddenly, when you meet someone who is also a member, there is this bond. A relief that someone else understands and relates. As well as a sense of purpose. That maybe there’s an unexpected gift or good that comes along when you can actually use what you’ve been through to help someone else.

Last night at an art show in Nashville, I got to meet my artist neighbor whose booth was behind me. His name is James Makuac and he cannot wait to tell anyone his story. Before the artist’s dinner we greeted each other and immediately he began to tell me. He is one of the “Lost Boys of Sudan”. At 11 years old, his village was attacked by men who had this mission to kill all the boys and his parents told him to run into the woods. He has survived numerous massacres and witnessed unfathomable blood shed, rape, starvation, sickness, separation from loved ones and refugee camps. He has had his hopes dashed and his sleep interupted by violence. He saw his mom 25 years after he ran for safety. She thought he was dead and he didn’t recognize her. He tells his story through his art and I loved his small book that tells what happened with his illustrations. He made it for his mom. I can’t even wrap my head around it all.

My favorite line in his book is, “My heart grew stronger because I had to walk on blistered feet.” This was written about the time he walked for 3 days through a dessert with no food on burning hot sand. And I wept because my heart could barely take it all in and he patted me on my hand and on my back and said “It’s okay. I appreciate your tears.”

When you ask James how he survived, he says it was hope. He said “You know, we are all just visitors here. This is not our home.” And he is not talking about being a refugee living in America. He knows God has a purpose for his life and telling his story is a huge part of it. I know my “problems” sure look silly now. And I know his is the type of story telling that can bring hope to everyone. Especially those like my loved one who has experienced unimaginable violence. I think it was no accident that I met him last night.

Here are some of his own words, from a post card he gifted to me:

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May

“But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? – – Carpe – – hear it? – – Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.” -John Keating, Dead Poets Society

Today I was finally able to watch the movie, my all time favorite movie, with my son. I fell in love with the Dead Poets Society when it first came out, and while we were watching it today, I couldn’t help but wonder if this movie inspired a movement in teaching. I also thought about an experience on our summer vacation and how together they helped me make a decision this week.

We were on our way out of the Grand Canyon after sunset and heading to our cabin when we stumbled upon this sign. A perfect spot for a family photo to commemorate the trip! As we got closer, we saw a woman taking several photos of the sign. After noticing that she was alone, I offered to take a picture of her with it. She was thrilled! So together we took several photos of her in front of and behind this sign with her camera. She then insisted she return the favor and she took this one of us.

Her name was Tina and it did not take long to learn her story. She was traveling alone on a cross country trip that had just begun in California and would take her back east via her hometown of Philadelphia. She was with a large touring group, all strangers, and had been assigned a roommate. But unfortunately, they were not finding much in common so she was very much touring solo. Thus no one to take her picture.

Soon it was quite dark and we did not think she should walk alone to her cabin so we insisted we give her a ride and she accepted. Once we were in the car, she shared something I have not been able to forget. Tina’s husband had recently passed away. They had enjoyed a long life together and you could hear the heartache in her voice as she told us about him. Then, with a note of courage, she shared that this trip was for them. She had made a decision to take the trip they always had dreamed of but never found time to do.

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived.” -Henry David Thoreau

This week I have been given one of those “once in a lifetime opportunities”. It was a decision I wrestled with a good bit and discussed with my husband. Should I do this “thing” that was offered to me? Prayer is key of course, but I always think “Carpe Diem!” and I thought about Tina. So with my adventurous spirit once again stirred into action, I accepted.

Like the words of Robert Herrick that I first heard in the Dead Poets Society,

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying.”

(Part of the adventure is that I don’t have too many details and I’m not allowed to discuss it yet. Keep an eye on my social media because it’s very possible I’ll be sharing the excitement!)

Don’t be like Mrs. Muss

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

– Brene’ Brown

I’d like to introduce you to Mrs. Muss. She once resided in my grandmothers home although I can’t say she made an impression on me. It wasn’t until she took residence at my mom’s house that I paid her any mind. She was like the ever present guest at gatherings on display in the dining room. Inevitably someone would ask, “Who is she?” and the answer was always “That’s Mrs. Muss”.

You know those moments when it feels like you’re the last to “get” things? It was not until years later, and my asking more questions, that I finally got the joke. No one knew who she was! And her name was short for “Mrs. Anonymous.” Another example of my family’s humor. Clever! But WHO was she?

“What we know matters but who we are matters more”

– Brene’ Brown

Being the Nancy Drew type it did not take me long to connect her portrait to some letters we had also inherited dating back to the late 1700’s. With the help of google and stamps on the back of the portrait I estimated the date of this painting to be around 1840-1845. Those dates are also about the time that, according to the antique letter collection, Sir Captain Lewis Fisher passed away.

Mom and I had never noticed that she is wearing a black arm band before. Aha! This is his widow! Ladies and gentleman I’d like to introduce you to Mrs. Ursula Bacon Fisher. Also known as Lula. Also known as Mrs. Muss. If you have any ancestry.com experience, you know that finding out much about women is very difficult. Thankfully the letters tell her story. Leave her mark. Lula was here.

So why do I say “Don’t be like Mrs. Muss”? I’ve been contemplating my own story lately. There are many books and seminars about “story”. Our stories matter! Don’t make someone go Nancy Drew on you to find out who you are and what makes you YOU.

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

– Brene’ Brown

I’ll be posting my snippet short stories periodically on Facebook. Perhaps together they will make a future blog post. So tell me. Do you journal? Are you also learning the importance of story? Here’s hoping we all grow deeper connections and find the bravery to be vulnerable.

Some resources are listed below. If you have others please share in the comments!

Anything by Brene’ Brown
Donald Miller’s Storyline Blog or his latest book, “Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy”
Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear”

A Closer Look

It was a bit of an experiment. How about I try a pair of “computer glasses”, only a bit of a further distance so I can wear them when I paint? But after a long day of painting yesterday, I’m sold! I think my painting actually improved. Perhaps because I am more relaxed with a greater field of vision and not craning my neck to look down my nose and see higher up. I love my new “painting glasses”.

A friend made the comment recently that my paintings come across so much more impressive in person. That the detail gets lost on screen. Hmmm. Perhaps my work loses something online. So I have been trying to show more close ups lately. All of this has had me thinking about “vision”, what we see, and the importance of details.

In my grandmother’s living room there was a very, very old painting. It was murky and dark and I loved the patina. It wasn’t until I had started painting full-time and took a closer look, that I discovered there was a woman in the painting! And even more surprising, there is a bearded man under that tree that seems to be waiting for her! She has a red bow on her bonnet and he has on a top hat. Can you see them?

How could this have been around our family for so many years and none of us see that? Well, I have made up my own little story behind it and we have called it “The Rendezvous Tree”. It is oil on panel and I think it’s a plein air painting probably from the early 1800s I would guess. Looking closely is something I think I do well. Not just in what I paint but in people and situations. For some reason, it’s in my wiring. Good or bad. Have you ever been struck by what you didn’t see that was “right beneath your nose” or “staring you straight in the face” the entire time? I love this quote my cousin Jocelyn shared with me:

That sums it up pretty well. I pray I am not so distracted that I would miss something important. I don’t want to miss a thing! How about you?

The “Bono Project” – Chasing A Dream

One of my favorite questions to ask friends is “If you could invite any 6 people in the world to dinner, who would it be?” or “If you were the host on the Tonight Show, who would be your guests, your comedian and your music performer?” To both of those questions, Bono has always been among my dream guest list as someone I’d love to meet and talk with.

In my last blog, I shared the story of my friend Sheila and I collaborating to create the “New Creation” limited edition necklace. About that time I got another one of my crazy ideas. So I texted this to her…

“Goofy thought. Do you think you could maybe make one with one of my iris paintings in it for a rock star? I’m going to see U2 in NYC in July. Front row. I’ve long wanted to get an iris to Bono. It’s his mom’s name and they have a song titled Iris on the latest album. See!! Goofy!”

Her response was:

“EEEEEEK! Girl. Let’s dream big and do it. Get me the pic/file/whatever. We have nothing to lose.”

For years I have dreamed of giving Bono one of my iris paintings. I knew it was his mother’s name and thought he may like it. Silly perhaps, but a dream I would think about when I would paint and listen to U2 in the studio. It’s not easy to carry a painting to a concert and then try to find a way to hand it off to a major rock star, but the idea of incorporating my iris painting into a necklace seemed doable. So, several emails, texts, and decisions later we came up a very special one of a kind piece made especially for Bono. Sheila used a gorgeous cross and Christ charm of an antique rosary that belonged to an Italian immigrant and hand strung gorgeous beads. A special touch is on the reverse side of my iris painting, a piece from an vintage song book titled “A Mother’s Love”. It is truly beautiful!

What were the odds that I would actually meet him and be able to present this? I mean, seriously? But it was one of those “why not?” situations in life and it was worth a try. And what on earth would I say if I had his attention? All along this journey I received encouragement that this was really going to happen. Even on the flight to NY when I shared the crazy idea with my neighbor when asked where I was going, she too said “It’s going to happen!”. Saturday, my friend Taffy Jo and I found our way to a place where we thought we may have a chance to meet him. And this happened…

I said something to him something like “This is an image of an iris I painted from my mothers garden.” and I told him about the cross and the charm and then showed him the back of the iris where the music is and then I said “My moms favorite flower was the Iris. She passed away this past year.” I was touched by the amount of time he spent listening and talking with me. He was truly touched. He said “Oh my gosh. How beautiful.” several times and then handed his hat and to me to hold so he could put it around his neck. After he placed his hat back on, I remembered I had a box too and handed it to him.

In the box were letters Sheila and I had both written to him because I did not know if I would have a chance to explain. (I included a few photos in my letter, one of them was my mom and I and told him a little bit about her.) When we were finished talking he gave my hand a squeeze and moved on. Thank goodness for Taffy Jo! She captured all the photos and was able to tell me more about his reaction and about the hand squeeze because I couldn’t remember much of anything. A fan standing nearby also took a video of our visit. I hope to hear something from him but of course I understand if I don’t. And I still would love to ship a large painting to him one day.

After Bono came out to say hello, Larry made his way around. He shook hands and said thank you to everyone. I thought that was so kind. And boy what a strong handshake by the way. And soon after Larry, Edge came around and shook hands. On my way out the door to leave for NYC, I literally at the last minute tossed one of my small egg paintings in my bag for the Edge just in case I met him. I mean, really? Well, we did meet him! And we took this selfie.

He was moving so fast, but Taffy Jo somehow managed to get the egg into his hand. You can see it here. I’m sure he was wondering what it was. On the back I had written the title and a scripture and my email address.

What I posted on instagram sums it up best. It’s indescribable when you have the opportunity to share your gift with someone who has shared theirs with you for as long as you can remember. Bono was not wearing the iris it at the concert we attended Sunday, but his performance of “Iris” meant even more to me after our conversation. Here’s a video someone else took of the songthat night here (the song starts at about the 3.00 mark). What he said about his mom is also true of me, so when he said “She left me an artist”, I unexpectedly lost it which completely caught me off guard. I think it was ultimately just a therapeutic experience.

Thank you for letting me share my adventures with you! I hope the Edge will enjoy the Egg oil painting and that Bono will enjoy the necklace. It sure was a blessing for me to share with them and I hope it blessed them too.

Dream Big!

A New “New Creation”

There is nothing like getting a fun package in the mail! When I found a package from artist Sheila Atchley in my mailbox I could hardly wait to open it! Sheila is a new friend of mine who lives in Knoxville, Tennessee.

I had been longing for one of Sheila’s gorgeous pieces and, after seeing a collection she posted online, an idea came to me. Why not work together on a piece? So I shared this crazy idea of mine with her and she was game! So I sent a piece of my artwork to her and the rest is history as they say…

Don’t you love it?! Sheila hand soldered and dreamed up this one of a kind piece of wearable art we titled “New Creation”. I love its length and weightiness…and the beading…and the details like the bird and the toggle! The pendent is hung by a removable clasp. Oh, and the reverse side is even special too…

So here’s the fun part!

YOU have an opportunity to have one too! Because this is a one of a kind statement piece, it has a hand crafted limited run of only 25. Pictured here is number 1, so there will be only 24 more made! They are priced at $75 (shipping is included).

Like they say, “Act now!” if you would like to have one too! Just click here to order via Sheila’s online boutique.

To learn more about Sheila Atchley Designs, visit her website: www.sheilaatchleydesigns.com

It has been an absolute joy to create and to share this with you!

The Throne of Agony

Author Sally Hogshead, who wrote that wonderful book “How the World Sees You”, sent an email newsletter this week that really resonated with me. And here I am. In the very predicament she described. I am in what she calls the “throne of Agony”! Ready to throw in the towel and feeling frustrated and discouraged.

Dr. Hogshead says this is part of a five step process to a creative breakthrough-

1) Possibility 2)Doubt 3)Agony 4)Epiphany 5)Finesse

My friends and I have called it “the ugly phase”. It’s when you really wrestle with a painting and panic sets in and you question if you are really an artist at all. Really, we do! And we’ve learned that it’s not THAT bad and it really will feel wonderful when we can breakthrough and make something out of a real mess. Ah, finesse! Will this one ever get there?

I’m in a panic because there are deadlines and people waiting on me to create something they will love. Realizing that I should stop for a while, I put the paints away and chose to blog about this “throne of Agony” moment and share a little insight into the studio life with you.

Like Sally Hogshead says, “The Agony is a valuable, healthy, and necessary part of creating anything worthwhile.” (And like Scarlett says, “Tomorrow is another day.”)